The Unplugged Memories - Do Kamine Dost

 

Though it’s difficult, but sometimes it’s better to shed tears on the pages, in the form of the words because words are immortal. I know it feels so artificial in making ‘sad’ smiley…but still….

“Tere Jaisa Yaar Kahan….Kahan aesa Yaarana….Yaad rakhegi Duniya…Tera Mera Afsaana…”

Today I’m writing, Or rather spitting out my emotions because I’ve lost something in my life…and that something is more precious than anything I can hope for. I have lost my best buddy SAGAR TOMAR, a medical student, who died in a road accident recently. I’m numb and I’m not sure whether I would be able to write anything legible.

My father woke me up in the morning with this shocking news that appeared in the newspaper and it has been the worst morning of my life. This is the first time that I’ve lost someone close to me and in almost 20 years of my life, for the first time I’m feeling that I’ve grown up. That it’s only the beginning and life is not that wonderful as it seemed to me.  

Well, to begin with, we met some 5 years ago in a birthday party of a mutual friend Mufid who then introduced us. There was nothing special in that meeting and we just exchanged our contact numbers. The real friendship began with the use of the Mittal-Ambani connections, just like any other love story. All those messages, specially the non-veg stuff, acted as the adjuvant in our bonding and fueling up our BROMANCE.

This journey from being two complete strangers to the famous [or, infamous] ‘Bakchod pair’ was just awesome. There are too many memories of our bakchodi to include here but I’ll include a few. I will always cherish the time we spent during the coaching classes, be it ‘Daswani’ or ‘Brainmasters’.

 

Even now I can’t believe that we never attended a single chemistry class in the whole year, and ‘Mugs’ was our classroom for that one hour every single day..!! And our notes were of course ‘bake samosa’ and ‘cold coffee’. And our ‘Petrol pump cafe’ was the best outlet ever created for a cup of coffee. [Screw the CCD’s..!]. Even now when I own a bike, I haven’t spent that much time in the petrol pumps…. I loved the moments when I made the nuisances and Bhatia sir always accused you for it….Lapak k lagti thi teri to tab…!

 

The one thing that irritated me was your obsession with tea, or ‘Chai’…! Jab bhi aata tha, saala chai zarur lagti thi teko…!! Aur hazi-mazak ki to chalti firti dukan tha tu kamine…, NV-bakbak ka specialist…!!

And what to say about the ketchup and Maggie….I doubt even Javed Jaffrey wouldn’t have had that amount of ketchup as we had. I remember that ‘ketchup drinking’ bet we won in McDonalds..! And Maggie….Alas..! All those late hours Maggie-parties during our night outs at your flat or at my house along with Mahesh. Maggie drowning in the sea of ketchup….

How can I ever forget our trips and tours….! Tuffry, Shell city, Isckon temple har jagah to ghum fir kr aaye apan…and one thing I have to admit…ki Har jagah teri koi na koi pehchan nikal hi jati thi…! Ek no. ka ghumakkad that u bhi…!!

 

 

 

The most vivid memory I have is of your flat. What great ‘Kaands’ we did there…! That flat was the witness of many of my ‘experiences’..!! Sometimes I think I utilized your flat more than you ever did…!       I clearly remember that hullabaloo which our group caused in your flat, because of which that landlord of yours barged in the flat, and some of us narrowly escaped by hiding in the bathroom...! Your flat was the place of refuge for me…Just sitting there idly was one of the best comforts of my life…

I know we had many nasty differences too….You mocked me for loving and reading novels…while I used to pull your leg for being crazy about ‘Branded clothes’….which also reminds me of that ‘branded’ shirt you gifted me when I was shopping for my birthday…! And how can I ever forget that Sexy birthday-card you gave me, after searching in literally every shop…! It is the best card I have ever received..!! Also your Handwriting on that card....'Calligraphy' to kuch jyada hi sikh li thi tune saale...!!

And Movies…!! Well, I know I have seen almost 80% of the movies with you…Many times other members of our group used to drop the plan due to one or the other reasons…but still we both used to go ahead with the plan and watch the movies….And if the movie was boring, then it was literally our aim to entertain the audience with our commentary…!! Aur ek din me sirf ek movie dekhna to jaise apan ne kabhi sikha hi nahi tha….har bar 2 movies dekhte the back to back…!!

Meri takkar ka Bhukkad to aaj tak mujhe sirf ek hi mila h….tu hi wo namuna tha jo mujhe bhukkadpanti me competition de sakta tha…. Non-veg khane k liye to jaise pagal the apan….’Madni’, ‘Nafees’, ‘Saifee’, ‘Pishori’ har jagah apan muh maar kar aate the….Indore ka koi dhaba ya restaurant nahi cchoda tha…

PARTY…! Yahi wo word tha jo sabse jyada bola jata tha apne bich…{except for the slangs}….New bike ho ya new relationship….mom ka promotion ho ya exam ka result…every damn thing demanded a party…saala girlfriend se breakup ki tak party deni padti thi…!! Now to I can’t even remember kispe kitni parties pending thi…!

And of course how can I forget that you and Mahesh were the ones who taught me to ride the bike…! Wo Stunner pe jo tumne sikhaya tha, usi wajah se to aaj apni Fazer khadi h…! Aur teri wo fokat ki bol-bachan to alag hi hote the….like, ‘Kya smile deta rehta h aur daant dikhata h photo khinchate time….Beta thoda attitude dikhaya kar…!’

 

Jab mujhe tere accident k bare me pata chala tab se sirf tera wo dialogue hi dimag me ghum raha h….jo tune pravachan dete time bola tha, jab mera accident hua tha….u said that, “Beta…jyada conscious hokar bhi drive karne ki zarurat nahi h….teri galti nahi thi fir bhi thuk hi gya na…tu to mast hokar fast drive kar…jis din accident hona hoga na..hokar hi rahega…tab tera helmet bhi kuch nahi kar paega…” If only I could get a chance to give pravachan to you today…but tu to direct kalti hi kha gaya be….

Wapas aaja be kamine….Dadi ne teri favorite ‘Chai’ bana k rakhi h….Abhi to kitni gandh machani thi be apne ko is duniya mein….apan ne jo future plans banaye the unhe bhi to pura karna tha na….Apne khud k ‘Petrol Pumps’ kholne the….And what about our ‘Incredible India’ target….saale tere bina to ab ghanta mood hoga kuch karne ka…Jab tu hi nahi hoga to mein kiske sath apne ‘No. of Hits’ compare karunga…! Tu sirf 2 no. hi to aage tha mujhse… Dher saare kaand karne the abhi to tere flat pe…..We even planned of visiting Goa in the coming month…!

I can’t explain the turmoil we were undergoing, when we went to your home in ‘Gwali’, Manawar. We tried to talk on every other topic while travelling, played songs and acted as if nothing was wrong…but andar hi andar mari padi thi sabki…Everyone was trying his best to control the tears, though it became impossible once we reached there… We met Uncle and everyone else…and we have ensured him that though he has lost his favorite kid, he still has his other children with him….Dekhna saale tere se jyada favorite ban jaunga mein jaldi hi…!!

Saale 3-4 din pehle to tu piche pada tha mere ki AIIMS me hone wale Creative writing contest me teri help karun…but I was busy with other submissions….Itna gussa ho gaya ki sidhe bhagwan k pass hi chala gaya help lene…..Ab aa bhi ja re….I promise mein khud likh kar dunga teko pura us contest k liye…!      Aur mene to suna tha ki god acche logon ko apne pass jaldi bula leta h….tu to itna bada haramkhor tha…fir teko kaise itni jaldi bula liya…!! Pakke se wahan ki ‘Apsaraein’ sambhal nahi rahi hongi god se…!

I wish that it’s just a dream and when I wake up, I would find you waiting for me on the bike for another round of our bakchodi…. If only this could happen….

People say that ‘Zendagi Migzara’…that is Life goes on…..Maybe they are true…maybe I would have to move ahead in life….but the void that’s now created in my life can never be filled again…. Even if I pretend to be normal from outside, only I know what havoc I’m undergoing….

Wo kehte h na, “Dil ka dard aansu bankar na nikle, Isliye sabke samne sada muskurata hun mein...”

Tu ab bilkul tension mat liyo….ab tere hisse k kaam bhi me karunga…. And I promise mein koi devdas sort ka banda nahi banunga….and jaisa mein hun vaisa hi khush rahunga…because I know that, somewhere, at someplace, you are looking at all of us….and tu hum logon ko khush hi dekhna chahega….

And I’m sure tub hi upar maze hi kar rha hoga….swarg me apsaraon k sath….but kamine wo ‘Urvashi’ teri bhabhi h….[Savita bhabhi nahi…!]..Uspe nazar mat daaliyo…warna me jab upar aaunga to teri khair nahi…! And ek bar mein upar aa gaya fir mil kar hisab karenge bhagwan se….and agar apan sath me ho jaen tab to fir swarg ko bhi narak me badal denge, ya narak ko swarg me…!!

Chal bahut paka liya h ab tere ko….I know tu articles, writings, novels etc nahi jhel sakta h…Khayal rakhiyo apna…!!

RIP Bhai……Mere farji doctor cum munnabhai…bahut yaad aaegi re teri….we all will always miss you…!!

And I would end this with our saying jo apan dono bolte the baat khatm hote time…..ab mein akela hi dono line bol deta hun…

“BE A MAN; BE HUMAN”

 

P.S. You must have watched me giving you tribute in my own style….I know that was one step less than what you expected from me….but it was the lack of time and ‘place’….that’s why I gave the ‘Handsome’ tribute…

कालचक्र

 रविवार की सुबह जब स्वयं सूरज भी आलस का कंबल ओढ़े धीमी रफ़्तार से प्रकट होता है, ऐसे में इक्यावन वर्षीया मीनाक्षी का अधीरता के साथ ड्राईंग रूम में चहलकदमी करना कुछ अजीब प्रतीत हो रहा था.

वैसे मीनाक्षी भी अपनी जगह सही थी. वह जानती थी कि केवल रविवार की सुबह सारे घरवाले, अंजाने मे ही सही, पर आराम से थोड़ी देर साथ बैठते थे. ३-४ दिन से जो विचार उसके मन मे कुलबुला रहा था उसे घरवालों से साझा करने के लिए वो बेताब थी. जैसे ही चाए-नाश्ते का दौर शुरू हुआ तो मीनाक्षी ने झट से अपने बेटे से पूछा, "महेश तुम्हे याद है या नहीं कि मुझे कथक नृत्य कितना पसंद था. जब भी मौका मिलता मैं टी.वी. पर कथक देखने लगती थी और इस बात पर तुम्हारे पिताजी और मेरे बीच कितनी नोंक-झोंक हुआ करती थी.

महेश ने बिना अख़बार से नज़रें हटाएँ, एक 'हूँ' के साथ जवाब दिया. मीनाक्षी तो ऐसे जवाबों की आदी हो चुकी थी. बात बढ़ाते हुए मीनाक्षी ने कहा कि, 'मेरी कथक की जो शिक्षा बचपन में अधूरी रह गयी थी वह मैं अब पूरी करना चाहती हूँ. मैंनें अख़बार में एक कथक-अकॅडमी का इश्तेहार भी देखा था, जो हमारे घर से ज़्यादा दूर भी नही है.

अपनी बात बोलने के बाद वह उम्मीदों भरी निगाहों से घर वालों की और ताक रही थी. बदले में उसे ऐसी हैरत भरी निगाहों से देखा जा रहा था जैसे उसने स्विस-बैंक में जमा काला धन वापस लाने का फूलप्रूफ प्लान बताया हो!

मीनाक्षी ने फिर अपने १५ साल के पोते से पूछा कि, "गुड्डू चला करेगा ना मेरे साथ अकॅडमी तक? मैं तुझे रोज़ 'किसमी' खिलाया करूँगी...'  तभी गुड्डू तपाक से उनकी बात काटते हुए बोल पड़ा,"क्या दादी आप भी...आजकल तो 'डेरिमिल्क-सिल्क' का ज़माना है. मैं तो वैसे भी अपनी कोचिंग-क्लास में बिज़ी रहूँगा...हाँ अगर आप 'हिप-हॉप' सीखने जाती तो मैं कुछ सोचता भी...!

मीनाक्षी कुछ कह पाती इसके पहले ही उसकी बहू ने चाए का प्याला ज़ोर से टेबल पर पटकते हुए कहा,'क्या अम्मा,एक और फितूर सवार हो गया आपके दिमाग़ पर. कितनी दफे आपसे कहा है कि, दिन-रात जगजीत सिंह की ग़ज़ले ना सुना कीजिए. उमर हो गई है आपकी. यह काग़ज़ की कश्ती अब लहरों से जूझने लायक नही रह गई है!'

बहू की हाँ में हाँ मिलाते हुए, बेटा भी बोल पड़ा कि, सही तो बोल रही है वो. आप की उमर अब रामायण-गीता पढ़ने की है, कथक करने की नहीं. ज़रा तो सोचिए कि आस-पड़ोस वाले क्या-क्या बातें बनाएँगे!

इसके साथ ही कमरे में सन्नाटा छा गया. रात को बाकी लोग तो जल्दी सो गये परंतु मीनाक्षी की आँखों से नींद कोसों दूर थी. आख़िरकार जब सब्र का बाँध टूटा तो वो फफक कर रो पड़ी.

कुशवाहा कांत की पंक्ति उसकी हालत को बयान कर रही थी-

 

 "एक हुक सी दिल में उठती है, एक दर्द सा दिल में होता है

    मैं चुपके-चुपके रोता हूँ, जब दुनिया सारी सोती है"

पूरा कालचक्र उसकी आँखों के सामने घूमने लगा. कैसे संसाधनों के अभाव में उसकी कथक की शिक्षा बीच में ही छूट गयी थी और बाद में कॉलेज में रिश्तेदारों के कारण रज़ामंदी नहीं मिल पाई थी. शादी के बाद तो नौकरी और बेटे की देखभाल मे तालमेल बिठाते-बिठाते खुद की पसंद-नापसंद के बारे में सोचना तो जैसे नामुमकिन ही था.

आज जब उसके पास संसाधनों एवं समय दोनों की भरमार है, तो क्या वह सिर्फ़ इसलिए अपने सपने पूरे नहीं करेगी क्योंकि पड़ोस के कुछ लोग ताने मारेंगे! क्या जीवन के इस मोड़ पर भी उसकी ज़िंदगी की स्टियरिंग दूसरों के हाथों में रहेगी?

नहीं! हरगिज़ नहीं! मीनाक्षी के मन से ज़ोरदार आवाज़ आई. जीवन की इस संध्या में वह अपने चाँद एवं तारें स्वयं ही चुनेगी. बचपन के जिस सावन में भीगने से वह वंचित रह गयी थी, उसकी फुहारें आज भी उसके मन के किसी कोने को भिगोती है. यह कश्ती आज भी बारिश के पानी में सफ़र करने के लिए लालायित है.

इसी दृढ़ निश्‍चय के साथ मीनाक्षी इंतज़ार करने लगी....इंतज़ार एक नयी सुबह का.

Where I Could Be Myself

 I wrote this poem in the 11th standard during the Physics Olympiad exam, on the rough sheet provided for calculations!

Do I even need to tell what was the result of that exam? :P

Miss those days...

I have been in search of a place,

For a number of years,

Where I could be myself,

With my eyes full of tears.

Where I would be shameless,

With no one in my sight,

With not the slightest pressure on my head,

My life would be so light!

Where no one would be present,

To grieve me anymore,

I would be my own master,

And, can all the day snore!

Where without worrying about

the world, I can cry,

And with all my liabilities,

I wouldn't have to be shy.

Where no memory would haunt me,

And, I would be all alone.

Where I would be myself,

And, not somebody's clone..

Where I would be able

To see my own dreams

And, with all my might,

I would achieve the cream...